Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Halloweeeeenin'!!!

      Once upon a freaky time in a freaky fairy land full of freaky-ass dolls there was a little elf who wanted terribly to celebrate Halloween. He was small and green, with pointy shoes and a big gold hoop through his nose. He wore black and white striped socks, tan shorts and a 1970's leather vest which he wore open to expose his small elfish chest. On his left bicep was a sketch of a bikini wearing pin-up elfin lady and below her was the name "Queenie" in red ink.
      At the elf bar he went to he talked to Radcliff, the goblin bartender about his dream.
     "Rad," he wept, "I want nothing more than to celebrate this big-kid holiday. It screams my name in the night! Just look at the pumpkins. I design grapes that look like that! And I could use the candy corn like a skateboard. Oh, I could do so many things."
     "I know little friend," Radcliff said and poured him another serving of green saphire gin, "but it's too dangerous. Big people are all around and they won't see you. They'll step on you and swish you around from side to side. Believe me. You don't even have wings."
      And at the word "wings", the little elf perked up his pointy ears.
     "That's it!" he burped, "Radcliff, you're a genius! I know just where to get a pair of wings! There's a store in the Slope called Odd Twin! I look throught the windows at night, and sometimes I sneak under the door and try things on. They have the most wonderful things! Look at these shorts! They had a 1930's suede leather wallet that I took with me and made into shorts. I left them money on the counter before I snuck back out into the night. They will definitely have wings for me! Then I can fly around and listen to rock music on my i-pod and watch the children and their parents trick or treat from the tree-tops!"
      The little elf opened his pouch and tipped Radcliff, then marched out the swinging doors and headed into the night.
      When the store-keeper opened the door on Halloween day, she found a hundred dollar bill and a note that said "Keep the change sweetie...love, Johnny." The store-keepers husband just happened to have the same name and she thought it was a gift he had left her for their anniversary. She gushed and giggled and didn't even notice the small green pointed boot the small elf had left behind on the counter.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! LOVE, ODD TWIN AND THE LITTLE GREEN ELF!

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